Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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