I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
