turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
