her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
