literally had 100 drinks last night.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
