i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
