I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
