Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
