i just wanna soil my oats bro
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
birth control should be required to get into college
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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