oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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