Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
