I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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