1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
