hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
