i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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