like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
