I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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