my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
