Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
