Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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