That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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