I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
