I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
