What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
