I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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