We're facebook friends in real life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
