I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
