Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
