Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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