tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's never too late to be topless.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
