Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
