It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
