I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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