apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
