I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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