well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
