You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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