Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
