There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
