Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
