I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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