actually, I'm a sock model
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
