Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
