Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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