I don't usually arrange sex via text message
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
