You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im holly from the hills drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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