Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
