btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
