Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
