That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We have started to decorate penises.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
