toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
