It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm at about main and main street
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
