he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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