Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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